A joint New York Times, Washington Post, LA Times, National Vanguard and Ummah.Com investigation has revealed startling new evidence that using Halliburton-developed time travel technology, George Bush ordered the changing of the perceptions of mice when Walt Disney, the noted Zionist, first developed his so-called 'cartoons'.
A CIA source who naturally we cannot possibly identify has passed documents which we cannot possibly show dated a really really long time ago, which just coincidentally look like we just typed them up in the office. These documents are a smoking gun showing that when Vice-President Cheney should have been telling us all about his alcohol-induced shooting frenzy he was in fact using the incident as a smokescreen to travel back in time to influence Mr.Disney who is now mysteriously unavailable for comment. A spokesman for the Disney Corporation has added to the mystery by claiming that Mr.Disney is dead, thus fuelling suspicions of Bush-administration assasination plots to eliminate knowledge of this vast conspiracy.
These documents purport to be minutes of a meeting between Disney and Cheney, where Cheney exhorts Disney to create a 'cute, clever and smart' mouse character to counter harmless National Socialist propaganda comparing Jews to mice and thus cunningly boost the image of the Jews and Israel, even though it didnt exist yet. Disney is shown to have 'rubbed his hands with glee and cackled menacingly' at the idea of creating a character who would, in his words 'fool everybody into thinking Jews arent rich and dirty, even though we are really mwahahahahaaa!'.
The meeting continues with Cheney and Disney hatching plans to portray the Cat character who was to be the Mouse's protagonist, apparently named 'Tom', as a Muslim 'extremist' who is constantly trying to kill the Jewish Mouse, named 'Jerry'. This clear evidence of Islamophobia is to us indicative of the racist nature of the Bush administration.
These particular episodes, titled 'Martyrdom Moggie' and 'Suicidalley Cat' were of course never transmitted due to the outbreak of World War Two, but trusted sources inside Iran have passed film to us which contains the unexpurgated versions of the episodes, during which the Mouse plots with Spike the Dog to 'cause a global conflict of epic proportions which will then cause the formation of a Jewish State to oppress the poor defenceless Arabs'. As the unfortunate Tom repeatedly but incompetently tries to heroically martyr himself to save the world from conflict, Jerry and Spike consult the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, widely believed by many not to be a load of made-up garbage at all, for advice and help.
It is, in the opinion of our investigators, no coincidence that World War 2 did indeed break out shortly afterwards, presumably at the behest of Israel and the Bush administration. It is further indicative of the gravity of these allegations that a Jewish State was indeed formed after the war, completely in line with the plan outlined by Jerry the Mouse and Spike the Dog.
The White House refuses to answer our in-depth and deeply probing questions on this appalling conspiracy, responding only with sniggers to our telephone enquiries to ascertain the truth of Bush's involvement in everything bad, ever. But rest assured that our respective publications will leave no stone crawled out from under to discover the truth about the Great Zionist Tom And Jerry Conspiracy.
Jonathan Blamebush, Chief Investigative Reporter, New York Times
Hillary Plantation, Republican-Trashing Editor, Washington Post
Al Joozdidit, Zionist Conspiracy Desk, LATimes
Kurt Knuckldragr, National Vanguard
Selif Detonatoor, Ummah.Com